I guess that I'm still learning.It seemed like I was struggling physically for a while. Some of you have seen me perspire on stage. I usually go home with a wet shirt and my clothes are still damp the following morning. I wish that I could attribute that to a dynamic stage show or even nerves, but I am really comfortable up there. There is no place that I'd rather be than performing for you.
When I started my museum job, I decided to take the train instead of the car. Walking up the the 'el' steps I found myself out of breath. Out-of-shape? Overweight? I guess, but I never felt any better after doing it again and again.Something was wrong, but I as always, I thought I could work through it .
Last Friday it all hit me like a ton of bricks.I thought it was like the pneumonia that hit me about four a five years ago. I knew how to deal with that. This was different. My lungs were clear but I couldn't catch a breath. That led to some retching coughing up blood like a coal miner.
Turned out that I have some sort of viral infection. I lost twenty pounds and my right lung isn't functioning up to standard. I have no resistance, so I can't be around a lot of people.
I don't know where this is leading.I've looked at the end game before and I have found assurance in my faith, but this experience was darker and without hope. It seemed not like a passage, but an end. I saw the end of thought and memory, a void, an empty hell. A frightening idea to work through.
On the physical side, I was forced to abdicate responsibilities that I pursued. I couldn't do a shift at the museum. I had to cancel my Heritage Day performance at the Amasa Historical Society. This was gig that I had to create. I chased the people up there to sell them on the idea and then I had to leave them short.
I know that no one is going to sleep at night dreaming of the day that I come to their town. The gigs that I do are probably more important to me than anyone.
But....Hope that you can say a prayer for me. Hope that I'll be back in some way real soon.